


Drowning

by hongbab



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 17:32:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9775526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongbab/pseuds/hongbab
Summary: A tiny smile appears on his face, one that doesn’t resemble his old, joyous grins. Sanghyuk finds his heart aching with how much he misses seeing Hongbin’s dimples digging deep into his cheeks, how much he liked to kiss them whenever Hongbin laughed, how he used to joke about Hongbin looking like the cutest shark on earth whenever he flashed his teeth.





	

Sanghyuk tips his head back, eyes falling shut as he rolls his hips forward, lips parting to make way for a moan.

He knows, he’s known from the moment Jaehwan laughed so sarcastically at him, that Jaehwan only picked a fight earlier so that they would end up like this, both of them completely wrecked, Jaehwan's eyes boring into him from underneath so intensely it’s almost a physical pressure as Sanghyuk lifts his hips and sinks back down half a second later.

His nails are scraping the skin of Jaehwan's chest, dragging down to his stomach, making Jaehwan groan and clutch Sanghyuk's thighs tighter, squeezing the flesh and muscles there so hard Sanghyuk cries out. He looks down at Jaehwan—his cheeks tinted pink, sweat trickling down his temple, eyes shining so bright it looks like he has such a high fever he might pass out.

He’s so, _so_ pissed at Jaehwan.

He tries to curl his fingers into the skin of Jaehwan's stomach, tearing at it, and Jaehwan screams: “Oh, fuck!”

The marks will be so pretty.

Sanghyuk bends over, knees dipping deeper into the mattress, tongue flicking out to lick at Jaehwan's lower lip before he bites down on it way too hard. Jaehwan arches up, whimpering, and Sanghyuk almost feels like he’s winning, but then the corners of Jaehwan's lips curl up.

He’s fucking _chuckling_.

Then Jaehwan's right arm is on his back, pulling him close as he kisses Sanghyuk roughly, slamming into him harder until his hips stutter, and he groans into Sanghyuk's mouth, head falling back on the pillow. The curve of his neck is so beautiful, Adam’s apple shimmering with perspiration, and Sanghyuk wants to bite down on his throat so bad, but he knows Jaehwan loves that and the least he wants now is for Jaehwan to enjoy the situation even more.

“I didn’t fucking— say you could c-come,” Sanghyuk attempts to grumble, but his voice sounds high-pitched, curving into a sob at the end.

“I don’t care,” Jaehwan says, finally, finally touching Sanghyuk while riding out his own orgasm.

Sanghyuk is shaking from both the still-present anger and the way Jaehwan jerks him, coming with a loud cry, head hanging and a drop of sweat falling onto Jaehwan's sternum from the strands of his fringe while he tries to draw out the pleasure, moving more, even though Jaehwan is already growing limp inside him.

Even after Jaehwan pulls out, it takes him a moment to regain his composure. This was one of their best fucks, meaning that the fury is still boiling in his veins, and he would take Jaehwan apart again and again if he had time. But he doesn’t, and that might contribute to the fact that he now wants to destroy Jaehwan even more.

Really, it’s only him falling to pieces here.

“You’re awful,” Sanghyuk pants, looking up at Jaehwan with his fingers still fanned out on his chest.

“I wonder why you’re looking so undone, then,” he replies, smirking, reaching up to brush his thumb over Sanghyuk's lower lip.

Sanghyuk bats his hand away. “I meant that you are an awful person. And you’re really getting on my nerves.”

“I like getting on your nerves.”

“I’m aware.”

Jaehwan takes a few tissues from the box on his nightstand, handing some of them out to Sanghyuk while he wipes at his own stomach. Sanghyuk cleans himself up as much as he needs to be able to go to the bathroom and take a shower.

Jaehwan steps into the too small cabin when Sanghyuk's already inside, paying no mind to the scowls Sanghyuk sends his way, grinning like he just won the lottery.

“You’re having the time of your life over this, aren’t you?” Sanghyuk asks bitterly, lathering his hair with Jaehwan's shampoo.

“Of course,” Jaehwan replies, rubbing shower gel into his skin. Sanghyuk sees the new hickeys he left on his body this time and the ones that are already fading, changing from deep purple into greenish yellow, and his stomach jolts. “You’re being extremely stupid, and it’s pretty amusing how ridiculously sensitive you are about the topic.”

“You’re a heartless dick,” Sanghyuk growls.

Jaehwan laughs so hard he almost topples over in the shower, but Sanghyuk knows more than half of it is for the show. And he’s not appreciating it.

Jaehwan still giggles as he says, “You come here to fuck me every other day while your boyfriend is huddled up on your couch watching sappy dramas like some pitiful housewife waiting for her husband to finally come home and _I_ am the heartless dick?”

Sanghyuk's heart skips a beat when Jaehwan barks out another laugh. He looks down at his feet, at the foam sliding down his body and disappearing in the drain, and wonders when his feeling of guilt disappeared with it here, in Jaehwan's bathroom.

*

He opens the front door, toeing his shoes off in the hall, and setting his backpack on top of the shoe rack like he always does.

The salty smell of something cooking floats in the air as he steps into the kitchen, finding Hongbin standing above the stove, stirring something in a pot.

“Hey,” Sanghyuk greets and Hongbin flinches, turning around.

A tiny smile appears on his face, one that doesn’t resemble his old, joyous grins. Sanghyuk finds his heart aching with how much he misses seeing Hongbin's dimples digging deep into his cheeks, how much he liked to kiss them whenever Hongbin laughed, how he used to joke about Hongbin looking like the cutest shark on earth whenever he flashed his teeth. Hongbin's smile now looks exhausted, forced, insincere—there are dark circles under his eyes, his skin seems almost transparent, sharp cheekbones nearly piercing through it.

Sanghyuk walks closer, putting a hand on the small of Hongbin's back, pressing his mouth to his hunched shoulder to muffle his voice in the fabric of his sweater so it won’t sound shaky with the weight of his secret that he slept with another man just an hour ago.

“How was work?” he asks, genuinely curious.

“Tiring,” Hongbin answers, and he’s not lying; his voice sounds deeper, raspier than usual. He never lies to Sanghyuk.

“You shouldn’t have cooked,” Sanghyuk says, resting his chin on Hongbin's shoulder now, arms tentatively wrapping around his middle. He might be imagining it, but it feels like Hongbin winces; his stomach tightens like he doesn’t want Sanghyuk to touch him. “We could have just ordered takeout.”

“What would you eat for lunch tomorrow, then.”

Sanghyuk wants to say he would have solved the problem, but Hongbin is already turning the stove off, reaching up for a plate from the cupboard above his head, and as his sweater rolls up, Sanghyuk feels the soft, short hairs on his tummy stand on end as if he’s nervous, as if he’s scared.

Hongbin puts a portion of the stew on the kitchen table, turning to leave.

“Are you not having dinner?” Sanghyuk asks, sitting down.

“I’m not hungry,” Hongbin replies with another fake smile, and a few seconds later, the bathroom door shuts with a loud thud.

Sanghyuk used to love the burnt ingredients in whatever Hongbin decided to wait for him to return home with, used to tease Hongbin until he actually got offended, and stuffed his mouth with his cooking some minutes later, gravy dripping from his chin while Hongbin laughed with happy tears in his eyes. Now he tosses around the meat on his plate, takes a bite that tastes weird, but shovels the food into his mouth anyway, swallowing without chewing, just to not let Hongbin down on this one. If only on this one.

He takes another shower to try scrub Jaehwan off his body, smearing Hongbin's scent onto himself with the shower gel they share instead, but it’s faint and gentle like Hongbin nowadays, and does little to cover up the deed. All Sanghyuk can do is pretend that nothing ever happened.

But he’s always fucked that up.

Hongbin's eyes are closed as he lies in their bed when Sanghyuk steps into the bedroom, climbing in next to his boyfriend, turning with his back to Hongbin. Hongbin makes a sniffling noise, but presses closer almost unnoticeably until he can pinch the hem of Sanghyuk's T-shirt between his fingers. Sanghyuk wants to turn around and hug him close to himself, but Hongbin is trembling behind him, and Sanghyuk doesn’t know if he could deal with him crying.

He just needs to pretend that everything is all right.

*

They’re watching the new One Piece episode in Jaehwan's living room with a beer in their hands, Jaehwan only in his briefs while Sanghyuk at least bothered to put his shirt back on.

Jaehwan has already seen the episode, but he offered to re-watch it with Sanghyuk after they untangled themselves from the sheets, and Sanghyuk gladly used the option in hopes of the show distracting him enough to stop feeling like shit. He just had sex with Jaehwan and it was great and he would do it again right now if it weren’t for his body feeling a little sore from Jaehwan throwing him around like he was a damned ragdoll.

What he feels like shit about is that he can’t force himself to feel remorse, to feel bad for Hongbin who’s currently probably risking getting fired as he knocks over a mug of coffee with wildly shaking hands, soaking an important file in the midst of trying to earn enough money for him and Sanghyuk to pay the rent. Everything is so wrong with him.

“He knows,” he says, virtually unaware of the words leaving his mouth.

“Hm?” Jaehwan hums, turning his head but not his eyes away from his laptop screen.

“He knows,” Sanghyuk repeats.

Jaehwan clicks his tongue in annoyance, reaching out to pause the video. He, then, glances at Sanghyuk with an impatient look on his face, the grimace distorting his otherwise handsome features.

“Who knows what?” he asks, hand still on the keyboard.

“Hongbin,” Sanghyuk replies, taking a sip of his beer. “He knows about us. He won’t tell me, but he— he looks horrible. He’s disgusted with me but he still wants me to be with him. He just won’t tell me.”

Jaehwan lets out a heavy sigh, leaning back against the backrest, blinking tiredly at Sanghyuk.

“Of course he knows, man. He’s not stupid, he can smell it on you, see it on you… You do ‘overtime’ at school at the most random times of the day.” Jaehwan downs the rest of his beer while Sanghyuk plays with the sticker on his own bottle. “I honestly don’t understand why you won’t break up with him.”

“Because I love him.” Sanghyuk says immediately, looking up at Jaehwan. The other arches an eyebrow and Sanghyuk swallows thickly, turning back to the beer bottle. “I used to love him so much. He used to be the best thing in my life. He holds onto me so tight.”

“It would be better for him, too,” Jaehwan says gently, and Sanghyuk feels grateful that he decided to be nice about this matter this time, because it hurts more badly now than usual, and Sanghyuk needs to talk it out to find a solution. He feels so alone. “He’s suffered enough, Sanghyuk.”

Sanghyuk thinks about Hongbin's small hands that have become parched from washing every dish at least three times while bunching up his shoulders around his ears like he’s afraid Sanghyuk would break up with him anytime. He thinks about how soft those hands used to be when they caressed his face and massaged his body in the bathtub overflowing with scalding water and floral scented oils as Sanghyuk leant back against Hongbin's chest, near purring when Hongbin kissed the corner of his eye, wet hand combing through vapour-damp hair.

He thinks about Hongbin's body flush against his as he swallowed his moans, fingers roaming over the hard muscles of Hongbin's back, enjoying the feeling of being smaller, weaker, losing his grip on the little control he’d had before Hongbin grew demanding. He remembers how ludicrous Hongbin looked with one of his socks still on his foot on more than one occasion, but he also remembers how he could never laugh, because Hongbin used to take his breath away with just a glance at his lips.

“Sanghyuk.”

Jaehwan's voice brings him out of his daze, and he notices that the bottle in his hand is dangerously tilted. His eyes are prickly and feel too dry like he’s sleepy, but they might as well just burn from the acid that makes its way up in his throat. He places his bottle on the coffee table, and with a swift move, gathers Jaehwan in his lap, licking straight into his mouth, trying to drown himself in kissing him.

He just needs to pretend Hongbin knows nothing.

He needs to pretend that everything is fine.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to talk to me about any of my stories or just vixx in general on [tumblr](http://hongbab.tumblr.com/), [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/hongbab) or [aff](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/1061753) ♡ please support me on [ko-fi.com](https://ko-fi.com/hongbab) if you can ♡


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